Before you came along

Before you came along, I was lost. Not lost in my path. I didn't feel as if I didn't have God in my life. No, not that kind of lost. God was the first person there with me. I could feel Him everywhere. I just felt lost in who I was. It was only 2 months after Steven left, and I felt as if there was no one out there for me. Stupid huh? Only 2 months and I felt like giving up on finding that one person who would make me feel like I was the only girl in the world again. I promise you those 2 months felt like the longest 2 months of my life. I just didn't feel like myself anyone. I felt like Steven had ripped me from everything. I didn't know what to do. What to do with all of this free time. I didn't have a job. I ditched all of my friends while I was with him. I even ditched my family for awhile. And that's not me. Not at all. I felt completely and utterly lost, and I didn't know how to get myself back. My friends forgave me...so did my family. That's what true friends and family do. They helped me more than I could have ever asked for. And then I finally became myself again, but a different and changed me. A more mature me. I guess when you go through so much heartache and shock, you grow up a lot. I've had to do that a lot through my life. But with every heartache and tragedy, I became stronger and more mature each time. I started hanging out with friends, doing things a normal 21 year old should be doing, I spent all of my free time with my brother like the old times, I got a new job, and I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I did something about it.

And then you came along...just at the perfect time. I've only known you for a few months, and I feel like I've known you my whole life. I have gotten so comfortable with you. Before you, I wasn't happy. Not happy in my relationship, not happy with my surroundings, just not happy at all. And everyone could see it on my face. I would always get these looks of sorrow because they knew what had happened to me. And it sucked...majorly sucked.

You are so different. You treat me better than anyone ever has. You make me feel like I'm the only girl in your eyes. I trust you with my heart and that never really happens after a person has been mistreated time after time. So many guys have done me wrong that I finally thought that all of them were the same...but not you. Not at all. You respect me and my decisions. You support my career and every little thing I do even if you know it's a mistake that'll back fire on me. But not once have you said, "no, don't do that," or "no, you can't do that." You always tell me to go for it, and when you feel like it'll back fire and it does, you've never once told me, "I told you so." And I love that about you. If I had done that with anyone else, they would have scolded me for not listening to them. Treating me like I'm lower than them, treating me like a prize to be won. But not you.

I remember the first day I met you. You had come into Lizard's Thicket where I work and sat down at MY table (which you didn't know was the table I used to ALWAYS sit at as a kid and still do.) You sat right where you could see me (ya stalker lol). You would glance up at me and catch me looking at you. I told Alana, "I know that guy from somewhere! But I don't know where!" And it made me so mad that I didn't know where. You came up to the cash register, I took your money, and told you to have a great night. You then texted me and said that you were just in Lizard's Thicket. I didn't believe you. And you told me that you were the one who I just rang up. I felt like an oober bitch lol.

You took me on 3 dates before we even kissed or became an official couple. You like to take things old school and go on 3 dates before you make things official. And you finally know me and how I am the LAST person who is patient lol. But I promised myself that the next relationship I got in that I'd take it slow. And I'm glad you did take it slow...because I don't think we'd be here today if you didn't.

Our first date, you took me to Grecian Gardens. You ordered your nasty ass lasagna and I ordered back chicken with potatoes. (I am so weird lol). We laughed and talked and laughed some more. I had such a good time with you. Afterwards, we went to your truck and smoked a cigarrette and I so wanted to go see a movie. I didn't want the night to end. That, and I wanted to kiss you so bad! We got to the movies, and of course they were closed. So we went to Wings N Ale. You taught me how to play pool and we played a putt-putt game, the claw machines, and a racing game. Afterwards, we hung out outside (and helped Derrick's drunk ass to his car lol). You never gave me that kiss but that was okay. Because again, we were taking it slow lol.

On our 2nd date, we went to Ale House. We met up with your friend AJ (who I met a long time ago and was shocked you were friends with him). We sat and talked while AJ was filling my head with embarassing things about you but finally ran out of things to tell me and just told me to look at you and laugh while he whispers "pssst" in my ear lol. We went to AJ's house later that night and hung out.

Out 3rd date, we went to what used to be The Dam Bar and Grill. We went to AJ's house shortly after we got there and played Circle of Death. One of the cards meant "Truth or Dare" and one of the girls who was at AJ dared you to kiss me so you did. I was sitting in between you when you kissed me. And I'm sorry to say this, but it was so awkward! ONLY because everyone was staring at us because AJ blurted out that you hadn't kissed me yet. I turned 3 shades of red.

I have never had a guy who actually went on multiple dates with me. I have always had a guy take me on 1 date and we'd be a couple. You take your time with things without rushing into things, and that's what I love about you.

The last few months have been amazing! You have made me feel so special it's not even funny. You have witnessed the good, the bad, and the ugly with me and haven't once said you couldn't handle it. You take care of me when I have nasty seizures. You're scared and don't know what to do, but you're there and never let go of me. And that's what means the most to me. You never get angry or yell at me because of it. You never get embarassed about it if it happens in front of your friends. None of that.

I love how you notice everything! You remember the outfit I was wearing on our first date and NO other guy would EVER notice that after months of being together but YOU do. I love how you're always attentive to everything I say even when you're tired. You forget a few things but who doesn't when you're talking to someone? Lol! I love how when we're about to go home and depart from one another, you push me gently against your car, hold my face, and kiss me like you never want me to leave. I love how you don't care about what anyone thinks or says about you...but the minute they talk about me in a wrong way, you do care. I love how you're so protective over me without it being weird or scary. I love how you're so polite to my parents and especially my brother. He's a hand full. I have warned you time after time. Some things he does aggravates you, but you understand why he does he does and says the things he says. And you understand without really questioning it or getting mad. I love the wakeup texts you send me. I love how you never once call me "sexy" but you call me "beautiful" instead. But what I love about you the most is that even though you've only known me a few months, you're already willing to take care of me when I never expected you to or asked you to. You just do it. You support me in everything I do and you love me for me. I asked you once, "what is so special about me? Why am I the one you chose to be with? And why do you love me?" And you simply said, "because you are you and nobody else and that is the most beautiful thing in the world." Gah! I love you! I honestly feel like you are THE one. I don't know what tomorrow brings or next week or next month or even years to come, but what I hope is that I wake up to your texts every morning for the rest of my life...and soon, I hope to wake to your face every morning with you singing me the cheesy song of, "good morning beautiful, ow was your night? Mine was wonderful with your by my side..." lol.

I love you, Todd Cowan Wallace. You mean so much to me! More than I could EVER explain! Thank you for everything you do for me, baby! I don't know who else would and I don't care who else would....just as long as it's YOU!