Before you came along, I was lost. Not lost in my path. I didn't feel as if I didn't have God in my life. No, not that kind of lost. God was the first person there with me. I could feel Him everywhere. I just felt lost in who I was. It was only 2 months after Steven left, and I felt as if there was no one out there for me. Stupid huh? Only 2 months and I felt like giving up on finding that one person who would make me feel like I was the only girl in the world again. I promise you those 2 months felt like the longest 2 months of my life. I just didn't feel like myself anyone. I felt like Steven had ripped me from everything. I didn't know what to do. What to do with all of this free time. I didn't have a job. I ditched all of my friends while I was with him. I even ditched my family for awhile. And that's not me. Not at all. I felt completely and utterly lost, and I didn't know how to get myself back. My friends forgave me...so did my family. That's what true friends and family do. They helped me more than I could have ever asked for. And then I finally became myself again, but a different and changed me. A more mature me. I guess when you go through so much heartache and shock, you grow up a lot. I've had to do that a lot through my life. But with every heartache and tragedy, I became stronger and more mature each time. I started hanging out with friends, doing things a normal 21 year old should be doing, I spent all of my free time with my brother like the old times, I got a new job, and I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I did something about it.
And then you came along...just at the perfect time. I've only known you for a few months, and I feel like I've known you my whole life. I have gotten so comfortable with you. Before you, I wasn't happy. Not happy in my relationship, not happy with my surroundings, just not happy at all. And everyone could see it on my face. I would always get these looks of sorrow because they knew what had happened to me. And it sucked...majorly sucked.
You are so different. You treat me better than anyone ever has. You make me feel like I'm the only girl in your eyes. I trust you with my heart and that never really happens after a person has been mistreated time after time. So many guys have done me wrong that I finally thought that all of them were the same...but not you. Not at all. You respect me and my decisions. You support my career and every little thing I do even if you know it's a mistake that'll back fire on me. But not once have you said, "no, don't do that," or "no, you can't do that." You always tell me to go for it, and when you feel like it'll back fire and it does, you've never once told me, "I told you so." And I love that about you. If I had done that with anyone else, they would have scolded me for not listening to them. Treating me like I'm lower than them, treating me like a prize to be won. But not you.
I remember the first day I met you. You had come into Lizard's Thicket where I work and sat down at MY table (which you didn't know was the table I used to ALWAYS sit at as a kid and still do.) You sat right where you could see me (ya stalker lol). You would glance up at me and catch me looking at you. I told Alana, "I know that guy from somewhere! But I don't know where!" And it made me so mad that I didn't know where. You came up to the cash register, I took your money, and told you to have a great night. You then texted me and said that you were just in Lizard's Thicket. I didn't believe you. And you told me that you were the one who I just rang up. I felt like an oober bitch lol.
You took me on 3 dates before we even kissed or became an official couple. You like to take things old school and go on 3 dates before you make things official. And you finally know me and how I am the LAST person who is patient lol. But I promised myself that the next relationship I got in that I'd take it slow. And I'm glad you did take it slow...because I don't think we'd be here today if you didn't.
Our first date, you took me to Grecian Gardens. You ordered your nasty ass lasagna and I ordered back chicken with potatoes. (I am so weird lol). We laughed and talked and laughed some more. I had such a good time with you. Afterwards, we went to your truck and smoked a cigarrette and I so wanted to go see a movie. I didn't want the night to end. That, and I wanted to kiss you so bad! We got to the movies, and of course they were closed. So we went to Wings N Ale. You taught me how to play pool and we played a putt-putt game, the claw machines, and a racing game. Afterwards, we hung out outside (and helped Derrick's drunk ass to his car lol). You never gave me that kiss but that was okay. Because again, we were taking it slow lol.
On our 2nd date, we went to Ale House. We met up with your friend AJ (who I met a long time ago and was shocked you were friends with him). We sat and talked while AJ was filling my head with embarassing things about you but finally ran out of things to tell me and just told me to look at you and laugh while he whispers "pssst" in my ear lol. We went to AJ's house later that night and hung out.
Out 3rd date, we went to what used to be The Dam Bar and Grill. We went to AJ's house shortly after we got there and played Circle of Death. One of the cards meant "Truth or Dare" and one of the girls who was at AJ dared you to kiss me so you did. I was sitting in between you when you kissed me. And I'm sorry to say this, but it was so awkward! ONLY because everyone was staring at us because AJ blurted out that you hadn't kissed me yet. I turned 3 shades of red.
I have never had a guy who actually went on multiple dates with me. I have always had a guy take me on 1 date and we'd be a couple. You take your time with things without rushing into things, and that's what I love about you.
The last few months have been amazing! You have made me feel so special it's not even funny. You have witnessed the good, the bad, and the ugly with me and haven't once said you couldn't handle it. You take care of me when I have nasty seizures. You're scared and don't know what to do, but you're there and never let go of me. And that's what means the most to me. You never get angry or yell at me because of it. You never get embarassed about it if it happens in front of your friends. None of that.
I love how you notice everything! You remember the outfit I was wearing on our first date and NO other guy would EVER notice that after months of being together but YOU do. I love how you're always attentive to everything I say even when you're tired. You forget a few things but who doesn't when you're talking to someone? Lol! I love how when we're about to go home and depart from one another, you push me gently against your car, hold my face, and kiss me like you never want me to leave. I love how you don't care about what anyone thinks or says about you...but the minute they talk about me in a wrong way, you do care. I love how you're so protective over me without it being weird or scary. I love how you're so polite to my parents and especially my brother. He's a hand full. I have warned you time after time. Some things he does aggravates you, but you understand why he does he does and says the things he says. And you understand without really questioning it or getting mad. I love the wakeup texts you send me. I love how you never once call me "sexy" but you call me "beautiful" instead. But what I love about you the most is that even though you've only known me a few months, you're already willing to take care of me when I never expected you to or asked you to. You just do it. You support me in everything I do and you love me for me. I asked you once, "what is so special about me? Why am I the one you chose to be with? And why do you love me?" And you simply said, "because you are you and nobody else and that is the most beautiful thing in the world." Gah! I love you! I honestly feel like you are THE one. I don't know what tomorrow brings or next week or next month or even years to come, but what I hope is that I wake up to your texts every morning for the rest of my life...and soon, I hope to wake to your face every morning with you singing me the cheesy song of, "good morning beautiful, ow was your night? Mine was wonderful with your by my side..." lol.
I love you, Todd Cowan Wallace. You mean so much to me! More than I could EVER explain! Thank you for everything you do for me, baby! I don't know who else would and I don't care who else would....just as long as it's YOU!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
Two weeks...
"Two weeks, that's all it took, two weeks to fall for you."
I haven't written anything on here in awhile. I've been so busy juggling two jobs, friends, church, my health, and now a new relationship.
I have jumped into this crazy, oh so amazing, funfilled relationship with Mister Todd Wallace (TC for short). I met him through a friend about 2 months ago and I have fallen so fast for him. Some people think that I have jumped into a relationship too fast. Others say, "wow! You didn't stay single for long." I get that a lot right now. It's been almost 4 months since Steven and I broke off our engagement. It's still hard. It's probably always going to be hard with everything we went through and everything I went through afterwards. TC just came into my life at the right moment.
Those 2 months that Steven and I were broken up before I met TC, were absolutely awful. I would be fine one moment and then be bawling my eyes out the second. I was a wreck. I didn't know how to feel. Everything happened so fast, just ripped away from me. It felt like my heart was ripped out and stomped on. I was depressed, sad, stunned, and numb. My anxiety killed me every day. Sometimes, I'd just feel emotionless. And then came my miscarriage and all of these emotions came at me at once. I felt like giving up. I felt hopeless and helpless, abandoned, disappointed, sick to my stomach, embarrassed, and ashamed. So many people were there for me, but it felt like no one was there....because there wasn't anyone who could relate to me. No one at all. So I just put a smile on my face, acted like nothing was wrong, kept it all bottled up inside, and would break down behind closed doors where no one was around. I felt like I would never move on from Steven. I loved him, he was my whole world and so much more. I would pace my house and wonder if I'd ever be ever to move on from this horrible spot in my life. It felt like a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from
But then I met TC and quickly, all of those emotions just seemed to fade away. I woke up from my nightmare. And it's not that I needed a guy in my life to be happy. I slowly became happy and slowly got out of those waves that came crashing down on me. And I did that without a man in my life. I became stronger, more independent. I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I went out with friends and had a blast. I was so blinded and so fed up with everything. I could go out without a fuss by anyone. I was free in a way.
TC treats me like I have been wanting to be treated for a very long time. I was tired of all these guys either only wanting one thing from me, holding me back from so many things, controlling my every move, keeping me from my friends, and not treating me like I needed to be treated. Todd is so different. He's not a little boy who tries to impress me with things, who puts on a front for everyone including me, who says one thing and does another, who sneaks behind my back. No he's none of those things. He keeps promises he makes, he makes me feel special, and he treats me like no other man has ever treated me. Because I was never with a man in the first place before...but now I am.
I have fallen in love with this man. He knows about my past, my health, and everything I went through with Steven and after Steven. He knows everything. I promised myself when Steven and I broke up that if and when I get back into a relationship, there won't be any secrets. I kept secrets from Steven about my past but I eventually told him about them. But with TC, I didn't. I felt comfortable telling him these things. And if he walked away from me because of it, so be it. But he didn't.
When it comes to dating, TC likes to keep it old fashioned and go out on 3 dates before he decides to make it officially in a relationship. And being the impatient person that I am, I was surprisingly patient and okay with that.
On our first "meet and greet" (as TC calls it), he came into Lizard's Thicket where I work, and sat at the table that I ALWAYS sit at when I eat there. I thought that was pretty cool. The whole time he sat there, I didn't know him. But I kept telling my friend Alana who I work with, "I know that guy that is sitting there from SOMEWHERE, but I don't know where." He came up to the register, I rang him up, told him to have a great night, and he went on his merrily way. He then texted me and said, "I was just in Lizard's Thicket." I said, "no you weren't!" He said, "yeah, you just rang me up." I said, "OMG! I feel like a bitch now." lol! He then came to Alana's house and we hung out and just talked.
On our first date, he took me to Grecian Gardens. I loved that he picked that (even if I don't like greek food all that much. Probably because my mom's boyfriend cooks it all the time lol). We sat there and just talked and laughed and instantly, I felt comfortable. Afterwards, we sat in the back of his Jimmy, smoked a cig, and talked so more. I learned very quickly that he is a super hero, anime, and video game freak lol. We were talking about the Avengers and how my brother, Dakota, would not stop bugging me about going to see that movie and how he would absolutely KILL me if I saw it before him. So, TC and I decided we would go to the movies to see it. But of course, we get to the movies and were 30 minutes late to see it. So instead, we went to Wings N Ale. He taught me how to shoot pool the RIGHT way, how to be patient with it, and all the rules to go with it. He was a great teacher ;) We played putt-putt on the little video gaming systems they had and TC won me these little figurines and candy from a claw machine. He learned how impatient of a person I am very quickly. I get that from my daddy big time.
Our second date, we went to Ale House out in Harbison and listened to karaoke and just sat there and talked. I met his friend AJ and then soon realized that I had already known AJ from some friends a couple years back. After Ale House, we went to AJs house and hung out. I met their friend Hammer and he cracked me up the whole night.
On our third date, we went to what used to be The Dam Bar and Grill (now it's Bentley Beach House). We hung out there with AJ and a couple of girls AJ met. We then went back to AJs house and played this card game called Circle of Death (last time I played that game was when I actually met AJ the first time at my friends' birthday after party). This was the same night TC and I first kissed (thanks to the good ole card of Queen). The next morning, I was sitting in Star Bucks and TC sent me a cute little text saying, "good morning beautiful." like he always does. And we made it oficial that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. It was cute, shut up! lol!
So here I type. 2:30 in the morning and I cannot sleep because I'm so happy. Happy with the man of my dreams! How did I get so lucky? What did I do to deserve such a good man? I could feel God tell me to just be patient and He'd get me out of the rut that I was in. I listened, did things to make ME happy, and it all fell into place. "You can't make anyone happy until you make yourself happy first." And that's exactly what I did. And I wouldn't trade this for the world.
People ask me if I miss Steven. And the answer is yes and no. I miss the person he was. The person he was when we first started dating and the person he was when we were living together at his parents house and the person he was when he proposed to me. I don't miss the person he became. The person who was short, demanding, controlling, whiny, secretive, and untrustworthy. I'll always have a special place in my heart for Steven. I will always love him. I had a part of him inside me physically and emotionally. I had a part of him growing inside me at one part of time. That love will never go away. That's one thing that TC understands the most. He understands that I will always love Steven. I will always have a part of him in my heart at all times. And I will always hold a special spot in my heart for him. That's what I love about TC. He doesn't get jealous, but he's protective. He doesn't bombard me or blow my phone up, but he worries about me when I'm away from him. He doesn't get frustrated with me when I have these nasty convulsions. He takes care of me already. And the only thing he demands from me is to put my family and friends first and him second.
"I know you don't like when people worry about you, but babe, I'm gonna worry about you because I love you. I came into this relationship knowing and understanding that you have seizures. Does it scare me a little and worry me? Yes. Does it scare me off? Not at all. It's just something we have to deal with and learn how to handle and control them so you don't have to go through them anymore. And I'll be there to help you get through it in any way I can, but you have to let me in. You have to talk to me, tell me everything you're feeling emotionally and physically, and you have to trust me in order for me to get you through it. Don't walk away or push me away. I'm not going anywhere, babe, and I'm definitely not gonna leave you because I love you." - TC
I love you TC, to the moon and back, pinky swear and lock it! <3
I haven't written anything on here in awhile. I've been so busy juggling two jobs, friends, church, my health, and now a new relationship.
I have jumped into this crazy, oh so amazing, funfilled relationship with Mister Todd Wallace (TC for short). I met him through a friend about 2 months ago and I have fallen so fast for him. Some people think that I have jumped into a relationship too fast. Others say, "wow! You didn't stay single for long." I get that a lot right now. It's been almost 4 months since Steven and I broke off our engagement. It's still hard. It's probably always going to be hard with everything we went through and everything I went through afterwards. TC just came into my life at the right moment.
Those 2 months that Steven and I were broken up before I met TC, were absolutely awful. I would be fine one moment and then be bawling my eyes out the second. I was a wreck. I didn't know how to feel. Everything happened so fast, just ripped away from me. It felt like my heart was ripped out and stomped on. I was depressed, sad, stunned, and numb. My anxiety killed me every day. Sometimes, I'd just feel emotionless. And then came my miscarriage and all of these emotions came at me at once. I felt like giving up. I felt hopeless and helpless, abandoned, disappointed, sick to my stomach, embarrassed, and ashamed. So many people were there for me, but it felt like no one was there....because there wasn't anyone who could relate to me. No one at all. So I just put a smile on my face, acted like nothing was wrong, kept it all bottled up inside, and would break down behind closed doors where no one was around. I felt like I would never move on from Steven. I loved him, he was my whole world and so much more. I would pace my house and wonder if I'd ever be ever to move on from this horrible spot in my life. It felt like a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from
But then I met TC and quickly, all of those emotions just seemed to fade away. I woke up from my nightmare. And it's not that I needed a guy in my life to be happy. I slowly became happy and slowly got out of those waves that came crashing down on me. And I did that without a man in my life. I became stronger, more independent. I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I went out with friends and had a blast. I was so blinded and so fed up with everything. I could go out without a fuss by anyone. I was free in a way.
TC treats me like I have been wanting to be treated for a very long time. I was tired of all these guys either only wanting one thing from me, holding me back from so many things, controlling my every move, keeping me from my friends, and not treating me like I needed to be treated. Todd is so different. He's not a little boy who tries to impress me with things, who puts on a front for everyone including me, who says one thing and does another, who sneaks behind my back. No he's none of those things. He keeps promises he makes, he makes me feel special, and he treats me like no other man has ever treated me. Because I was never with a man in the first place before...but now I am.
I have fallen in love with this man. He knows about my past, my health, and everything I went through with Steven and after Steven. He knows everything. I promised myself when Steven and I broke up that if and when I get back into a relationship, there won't be any secrets. I kept secrets from Steven about my past but I eventually told him about them. But with TC, I didn't. I felt comfortable telling him these things. And if he walked away from me because of it, so be it. But he didn't.
When it comes to dating, TC likes to keep it old fashioned and go out on 3 dates before he decides to make it officially in a relationship. And being the impatient person that I am, I was surprisingly patient and okay with that.
On our first "meet and greet" (as TC calls it), he came into Lizard's Thicket where I work, and sat at the table that I ALWAYS sit at when I eat there. I thought that was pretty cool. The whole time he sat there, I didn't know him. But I kept telling my friend Alana who I work with, "I know that guy that is sitting there from SOMEWHERE, but I don't know where." He came up to the register, I rang him up, told him to have a great night, and he went on his merrily way. He then texted me and said, "I was just in Lizard's Thicket." I said, "no you weren't!" He said, "yeah, you just rang me up." I said, "OMG! I feel like a bitch now." lol! He then came to Alana's house and we hung out and just talked.
On our first date, he took me to Grecian Gardens. I loved that he picked that (even if I don't like greek food all that much. Probably because my mom's boyfriend cooks it all the time lol). We sat there and just talked and laughed and instantly, I felt comfortable. Afterwards, we sat in the back of his Jimmy, smoked a cig, and talked so more. I learned very quickly that he is a super hero, anime, and video game freak lol. We were talking about the Avengers and how my brother, Dakota, would not stop bugging me about going to see that movie and how he would absolutely KILL me if I saw it before him. So, TC and I decided we would go to the movies to see it. But of course, we get to the movies and were 30 minutes late to see it. So instead, we went to Wings N Ale. He taught me how to shoot pool the RIGHT way, how to be patient with it, and all the rules to go with it. He was a great teacher ;) We played putt-putt on the little video gaming systems they had and TC won me these little figurines and candy from a claw machine. He learned how impatient of a person I am very quickly. I get that from my daddy big time.
Our second date, we went to Ale House out in Harbison and listened to karaoke and just sat there and talked. I met his friend AJ and then soon realized that I had already known AJ from some friends a couple years back. After Ale House, we went to AJs house and hung out. I met their friend Hammer and he cracked me up the whole night.
On our third date, we went to what used to be The Dam Bar and Grill (now it's Bentley Beach House). We hung out there with AJ and a couple of girls AJ met. We then went back to AJs house and played this card game called Circle of Death (last time I played that game was when I actually met AJ the first time at my friends' birthday after party). This was the same night TC and I first kissed (thanks to the good ole card of Queen). The next morning, I was sitting in Star Bucks and TC sent me a cute little text saying, "good morning beautiful." like he always does. And we made it oficial that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. It was cute, shut up! lol!
So here I type. 2:30 in the morning and I cannot sleep because I'm so happy. Happy with the man of my dreams! How did I get so lucky? What did I do to deserve such a good man? I could feel God tell me to just be patient and He'd get me out of the rut that I was in. I listened, did things to make ME happy, and it all fell into place. "You can't make anyone happy until you make yourself happy first." And that's exactly what I did. And I wouldn't trade this for the world.
People ask me if I miss Steven. And the answer is yes and no. I miss the person he was. The person he was when we first started dating and the person he was when we were living together at his parents house and the person he was when he proposed to me. I don't miss the person he became. The person who was short, demanding, controlling, whiny, secretive, and untrustworthy. I'll always have a special place in my heart for Steven. I will always love him. I had a part of him inside me physically and emotionally. I had a part of him growing inside me at one part of time. That love will never go away. That's one thing that TC understands the most. He understands that I will always love Steven. I will always have a part of him in my heart at all times. And I will always hold a special spot in my heart for him. That's what I love about TC. He doesn't get jealous, but he's protective. He doesn't bombard me or blow my phone up, but he worries about me when I'm away from him. He doesn't get frustrated with me when I have these nasty convulsions. He takes care of me already. And the only thing he demands from me is to put my family and friends first and him second.
"I know you don't like when people worry about you, but babe, I'm gonna worry about you because I love you. I came into this relationship knowing and understanding that you have seizures. Does it scare me a little and worry me? Yes. Does it scare me off? Not at all. It's just something we have to deal with and learn how to handle and control them so you don't have to go through them anymore. And I'll be there to help you get through it in any way I can, but you have to let me in. You have to talk to me, tell me everything you're feeling emotionally and physically, and you have to trust me in order for me to get you through it. Don't walk away or push me away. I'm not going anywhere, babe, and I'm definitely not gonna leave you because I love you." - TC
I love you TC, to the moon and back, pinky swear and lock it! <3
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